A larger agreement

If you’re reading Fi’s blog, you’ll see she’s working through some stuff at the moment. We’ve known there’s some work floating around there to do, but we haven’t pushed it. We work to accept each other as we are day-to-day.

We’re also facing some large challenges. So of course now is when Fi’s subconscious says, great this is the time to deal with this stuff! Stuff is good to work through, but it has its consequences.

The consequences are heartache. The consequences are sometimes one or both of us feeling lost, afraid or upset.

Today was one of those days. I’ve found it hard to move between the complications of my very busy work and the challenges of home. I’ve wanted to be there to help, but the rubber band is a little frayed although it hasn’t snapped.

Fi and I were talking about some of her closer relationships. How people find it frightening as those they love go through personal change. There’s a dimension to which our relationships – even the bits that don’t work one hundred percent – are mutual agreements. I might not like it when you do x, but if you do x I’ll do y and we’ll end up at z, which is familiar.

When someone does a q, or a b, or even a π as they explore their new self, the routine is changed. The parameters altered. Nobody knows the outcome. Long term it’s good, short term it’s unsettling, at least.

Working agreements have to be re-examined. Applying this to others, I realised it applied to me too. I’m good with working agreements, but in a time of flux there needs to be something bigger.

So, for me there’s this. As she goes on this journey, I’ll be there for her when I can, and with her always. Whoever she is.

Before you ask – of course the same goes for our little rose. She’s going to change the most of all.

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About seanmurgatroyd
Library (Shared blog): http://diligentroom.wordpress.com/ Personal including infoculture, book reviews: http://diligentroom.wordpress.com/ Music: http://seanfishmusic.wordpress.com/ Last.fm band page: http://www.last.fm/music/Seanfish @seanfish

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